Instructions for living a life: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.

Mary Oliver

Friday, February 23, 2024

Response to a conservative friend

I'd like to be a consistent blogger, but right now, despite my best intentions, that is unlikely to happen.  However, I am really glad to have a venue to occasionally post my thoughts that manage to get themselves arranged in a cogent whole.

About six weeks ago I read a letter to the editor in the small-town paper in the area where I grew up that was written by the man who had been our senior class president and star football captain.  He is a friend of mine, someone I like and respect.  I found his point of view to be different than mine and it just called for a response.  At long last, I have assembled one that says at least some of what I think is important.  

Since the topic is abortion, it might resonate with you as well.  In it I share a painful personal experience. His letter, from the January 4 issue of the Princeton (MN) Union-Times is attached below my response.  I'd appreciate any honest, but respectful comments.

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I read your January letter to the editor in the Union-Times and I felt that it needed a response.  Because I know you to be a fair and decent man, I’m sure you will give my words consideration. 


Like you, I spend a career built around the education and welfare of our future generation.  I began as a first grade teacher and for a number of years focused on working with primary students as a school librarian before expanding to teaching middle schoolers.  Counting pre-school summer school, a summer youth jobs program, teacher professional development and community education classes for adults, I eventually worked with students ranging from 4 all the way to 84. 


Along with children; women and their lives and undertakings have played a big role in my life.  I had 5 half-sisters, 10 nieces by the time I was 14, and many aunts, female cousins, friends and co-workers.  These smart, caring and capable women, lived in a world where their strengths and abilities were not always celebrated or even recognized or acknowledged.  I was hopeful as I grew up, that women would have expanded freedom and opportunities and that seemed to be happening.


From my vantage point, as a woman born in the 1950’s and come of age in the 1970’s, steeped in the lives of women and children, I have a story to tell that has informed and shaped my thoughts on the important but divisive topic of women and reproduction.


In 1980 I was living and working in Minneapolis.  My husband and I had been married for 7 years and had a toddler son.  Life had been busy and when my in-laws agreed to take care of our boy and give us a short summer break, we were thrilled.  


Along with another couple, we headed north, way north, to Lake Saganaga on the Canadian border with a boat loaded with fishing and camping gear.  It was a long drive, but I was fine sitting in the back seat.  I never got carsick, despite being in the early weeks of my second pregnancy: I felt fine and healthy and grateful for time away from the demands of a young child and a busy job.


Things changed however, when, some time after setting up camp  I noticed spotting and cramping.  I downplayed it for awhile, having experienced something similar during my first successful pregnancy.  By the next day, however, I knew we would have to cut our vacation short and return home.


The hour and half ride back to Grand Marais was difficult; the visit to the emergency room there heartbreaking, and the four hours back home seemed endless.


That night I experienced painful labor and loss.  


My doctor promptly scheduled a D & C to clear the uterus of tissue and prevent possible infection that could have impacted my health and ability to have more children. 

What happened next has stayed with me all these years. I was prepped, donned a flimsy paper gown, given a sedative and placed on a gurney to move to the operating room.  That experience alone can strip away all the confidence that I had gathered as an educated, well-traveled married woman.  I was in a very vulnerable state after a sad and difficult few days.  


The woman who was wheeling me down the hall stopped the gurney, looked at me and with disgust in her voice, announced that a blood test showed me to be pregnant (apparently hormones were still present, despite the miscarriage); implying that I was undergoing an abortion (a legal procedure in 1980) and that I deserved her contempt. By this point, the sedation prevented any response on my part, but I never forgot.


She chose to judge me, but she did not know my story of sadness, pain and loss.  Instead of doing her job, with care and compassion, she brought in her own moral judgment; she was heartless and above all, she was wrong.


Today, in many parts of our country, politicians are placing themselves in the role of this anonymous healthcare worker. They are making judgments without all the facts, without care or compassion.  They take incomplete or inaccurate information and create laws that harm women and make them weak and vulnerable.  They create situations that are often harmful to both women and their children and they are unrepentantly righteous about doing so.  


My story did not end badly.  Less than two years later, I gave birth to a daughter and two years after that, we had another son.   Each pregnancy and delivery were unique experiences. In today’s world, I’m not sure a similarly happy ending could occur, at least not in Texas and other red states.


I tell you this because it is not really that unique or unusual. When I share my abortion story (and it is an abortion story, although it was my body spontaneously creating it, not a medical intervention), I hear of many others; my close friend who experienced both a stillbirth and a miscarriage, her sister-in-law who had at least 6 miscarriages, managing to have one live birth, several close friends who traveled out of state to get an abortion when having a baby at that point in their lives would have been devastating and a friend who was never able to conceive, despite years of trying.  Another friend had an ectopic pregnancy which would not result in a living child, but could have taken her life if not aborted. You do not have to look far to find another story demonstrating the uncertainties of childbearing. 


There is nothing straightforward or predictable about human reproduction. The March of Dimes reports that 10-20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, although that number is likely higher because many pregnancies end before the person knows they are pregnant.  Miscarriages are usually the result of problems with the complex nature of fetal development, not by actions of the mother. Pregnancy is not amenable to strict regulation…there are too many uncontrollable variables and uncertainties.


Pregnancy carries other real risks for women, particularly in America, where a maternal mortality rate of 20.1 deaths/100 thousand live births makes our country the most dangerous developed country in which to give birth, and for Black women it is more than twice as high.  You may not want to hear it, but abortion is a very safe procedure; pregnancy is much more dangerous.


With only that background information in mind, do you still think is it wise to turn over women’s healthcare decision-making to politicians?  Should we be happy that politicians who are mostly white, mostly male, almost entirely untrained in and unknowledgeable about obstetrics and gynecology are making life-determining decisions for women?  Should we be happy that these politicians are placing medical personnel into untenable positions where they could be fined, jailed or lose their practice for taking actions that in their medical judgment are sound and necessary?


Your disgruntled sports station host was excoriating Texas abortion policies.  The commentator noted that the law, as interpreted by courts and encouraged by state officials threatened the mother’s life and health and that he expressed concern for the mother and anger at the law.   


Is there a different response that would have been more appropriate?  Perhaps anger at the mother for wanting to save her own life and protect her health so she could have another child?  Is that what would have been a better stance, in your opinion?


Lawmakers create public policy and in doing so they are crafting laws and regulations that shape and impact directly and indirectly the action and outcomes for the citizens in their jurisdictions; in this case, the childbearing-age citizens and those involved in the health and wellbeing of those citizens.  


Let’s talk about policy for a minute.  I had an opportunity while working at our school district office to participate in policy-writing around technology issues. 


Policy-making sounds about as dull as watching paint dry and reading most rules and regulations exceeds that dullness, yet, it is really important work and is very different from making personal decisions.  My personal knowledge, needs and values can inform the policies I craft, but they cannot be the only consideration.  Good policy is clear and specific, it is relevant and capable of bringing about desired outcomes.  It is flexible and adaptable, evidence-based and informed, inclusive and participatory, measurable and achievable and promote positive social, economical and environmental outcomes.  It doesn’t negatively impact stakeholders, but improves outcomes for them. Would any of that apply to this Texas law?


Now, I don’t know everything, but I do know this, if a law endangers people’s lives or compels them to leave their homes and experience threat, danger and unnecessary expense and have their personal autonomy stripped away from them, then that is a very bad law.


If the enforcement of that law creates vigilantism and profit from turning in your neighbors instead of helping them; then that is a very bad law.


And it is a bad law when it creates situations that promote bad science and inaccurate conjectures (For example, in your letter you ask “why are the survivors of botched abortions (allegedly) left to die on their own?” That is a talking point from the anti-abortion faction, but is generally inaccurate.  Checking out Minnesota statistics, in 2017, that situation was very rare, with only 3 abortions involving an infant born alive, and although none survived, they were given comfort care. Infanticide is a crime in all 50 states; politicians who state that Democrats support killing live infants, as Trump did recently, are spreading dangerous lies, that are refuted by existing law and even common decency. Republicans far too often feel free to label opponents with baseless slurs and insults. Many of their followers are far too willing to believe those lies.


The Texas law is dangerous, patriarchal and very misguided, however, I do believe that legislators can positively impact outcomes for women and children and minimize abortions through the laws they pass and the funding they supply. 


To a society, children are our future and as such, their potential contributions and limitations will impact our economy and the health of our democracy.  Children, raised and educated well are a social asset and lawmakers are wise to create conditions that support healthy, well-educated, hardworking and law-abiding citizens and minimize conditions that can create unhealthy, ignorant drains on society.  

So, the Texas legislature, among other states, has a stated goal to protect life by prohibiting abortion.  Is that respect for life reflected in other legislation proposed or supported?  

Is it possible that a child born to a woman who felt she didn’t have the economic means to support another child will be assured of adequate food and shelter as she grows by the government that insisted she be born, or will her state do like 15 red state governors have done recently and turn away federal food assistance?


How much love and concern do they actually have for the child they force to be born?

 

If, in some magical way, you became the baby distributor of the universe, would you choose to place these precious infants under your charge with the youngest, most ill-prepared, endangered and traumatized poor women, all of whom felt they were not ready for the challenge, or would you seek out homes for these babies with families who were prepared and willing to love and care for them?  I would choose the latter, and I think most of us would; but Texas (and other red states) are crafting legislation to create the former condition.


I keep thinking…is this the best that they can do? Really?  Make sure a child is born and then do nothing more for them, but thrust them into poverty?  Maybe that’s the point?  Creation of a perpetual underclass ripe for exploitation by the wealthy?  A careful look at Republican policies show a distinct preference for the wealthy and a disdain for those with lower incomes, despite using anger to engender allegiance, they are willing to cut Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid and other social supports that benefit them, are willing to pollute the air and water and put the profits in their pockets.


Couldn’t these legislatures provide free or low-cost birth control?  A child never conceived won’t be aborted. Couldn’t they fund research into birth control for males, or other reproductive health research?  How about well-funded and accurate full-fledged sex-education that create informed young people who understand their own biology and their choices?


A good step would be to create requisite training for all legislators on human reproduction and birth, training in understanding cycles of poverty and the contributing factors (family size plays a role in whether or not a family lives in poverty).

Requiring actual experts without a political motive to contribute to legislation.


Develop thorough understandings of the factors that contribute to a woman’s need for an abortion and use that in policy development that would minimize those factors.

Finally, develop national health policies that work as well for a cost comparable to other developed countries and remove the power of health conglomerates and pharmaceutical companies that get rich off the backs of ordinary citizens and leave them poor and unhealthy. Provide affordable healthcare specifically for mothers and children. Make sure that no child in America is hungry or homeless. Stop demonizing women in difficult situations.  


So, when it comes to women’s reproductive rights or to any other complex situation concerning an individual’s personal health and personal future; who is ultimately qualified to make those decisions for each and every American citizen, endowed as they are by the Declaration of Independence with “certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness?”  Would you still say it should be in the hands of the Texas legislature?


I contend that the job of politicians is to ensure that both women and men have access to those rights, rather than to attempt to take away anyone’s bodily autonomy and jeopardize their health and future well-being by making decisions that are not theirs to make.


I would not assume that your body should be harvested for one of your good kidneys to save the life of another, even if it was someone I loved, I would not assume that a woman should be made to carry a dead or dying fetus at the expense of her own life or health, so I would stand proudly by anyone that thinks the self-righteous and ignorant legislators in Texas are wrong in their law-making.  When they start to craft laws that can make the lives of both women and children safer, healthier and happier, then, good, but until then, no, 1000 times NO!


That’s my appeal to reason, compassion and using the knowledge we’ve gathered and the wisdom we’ve acquired to make the world better, not meaner and crueler.

To truly value and honor life is a challenge that the Texas legislators have failed to meet, but the rest of us Americans can do better and be better by becoming more informed and more compassionate and understanding.



His Letter: 

I recently listened to a Twin Cities sport-station host excoriate - on air - the Texas legislature for their law prohibiting abortion. The situation involved a Texas woman pregnant with a child with severe genetic complications, threatening both the baby’s life and the mother’s life. He expressed his compassion for the woman in the tragic situation and his anger about that law.


There was no expression of concern for the unborn child. Abortion has changed the way people view pregnancy.(so has birth control and improvements in healthcare and infant mortality rates) At one time, getting pregnant was a “blessed event.” Abortion was a solution to a criminal event such as rape or incest. Then it became a solution to an unwanted intrusion, and finally, a solution to inconvenience or just simply choice.  In the meantime, it has been discovered when the unborn can feel pain and the point of viability of life came down. The main rationale for allowing abortions is that a woman has a right to decisions regarding her own body. Yet, it is not legally acceptable to commit suicide or assisted suicide. And why are the survivors of botched abortions (allegedly) left to die on their own? That child is no longer part of the mother’s body.


Unborn babies and abortion live births simply are without value in the world and among many in this country. There are many such groups - deaths from fentanyl, migrant children and adults sold into human trafficking, the Jewish victims of the Hamas attack, the world-wide call for genocide of the Jewish people. At the same time, many groups have been elevated beyond the value of people around them. Now, “political perspective” has become a major area of protection and status along with the usual list of race, nationality, socio-economic status, religion, and “special” people groups. (Huh?)

One final point, any Americans are shocked at the brazen crime across the country and the stunning calls for a return to Jewish annihilation. The brutality of the Hamas attack is mirrored to some extent on our own streets. After fifty years of legalized abortion in this country, perhaps there is some correlation to what is happening now. Where in this country - motherhood, government’s roles in protection and rescue, and the expectation that the medical community be involved in the ending of life - are we to turn to find these bastions of civilization? Do they no longer exist?


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