Information Woman!: Countdown 65: It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Seasonal music on the radio, decorations and gift displays in the stores...it's the holidays! And, if we believe the songs, "it's the most wonderful time of the year!" In some ways, it certainly is; full of special memories and sweet anticipation, happy bustle, satisfying traditions and tasty treats.

But we know that there has always been a dark side to the holidays, where many people struggle with financial and emotional issues and loneliness can be especially poignant.

I remember the high expectations that my mother-in-law had for these events and how the stress of holidays would worsen her asthma and she would end up in the hospital. One Thanksgiving stands out. Her daughter was getting married in a small ceremony at the groom's mother's house the day after Thanksgiving. Mom was hospitalized and would not be able to attend. I found that out just in time to rush back to the school I worked at and borrowed our video equipment--at that time, a first generation reel-to-reel recorder. We'd make sure she'd at least get to see a movie of the nuptials.

It soon got even more interesting. My side trip to school cut into the time I had to help finish the painting we were doing in the living room. We were rolling the last wall when my husband's brother and his family of 5 arrived from Nebraska. They'd be staying with us and sharing our Thanksgiving turkey the next day and attending the wedding the day after.

Then we got the call. There had been conflict between the groom and his mom. No wedding at her house now. My sister-in-law asked if they could have the wedding at our house; oh, and can you set two more plates for Thanksgiving?

The challenges that holidays hold are nothing new, but this year's celebrations could be especially fraught. How can we handle time with relatives that we may have profound political differences with so close after the election?

I'd like to remind you of one really salient point that could shape your decisions about attending or inviting. If your family/friend is satisfied with their vote, any argument you make against their choice has a 99.9 % chance of failure. If political talk is inevitable; disaster or distress is extremely likely. Minds will not be changed over turkey and stuffing, but relationships could be destroyed.

When caustic Fox personality, Jesse Watters, is uninvited from his Mom's Thanksgiving dinner, it should be acceptable for all of us to put our comfort, safety and peace of mind over societal expectations.

Questions we can ask:

Can I attend a holiday event and feel safe?
Do I really want to be there?
Will I have to compromise my values more than I am willing to do?
Even if I really care about these people, can I spend all day with them comfortably?
Can I emerge from the day with nothing more serious than a little indigestion from too much pie?

I'm going to say that it is okay to alter the guest list. It's okay to set limits and expect people to respect them and to ask them to leave if they don't. It's even okay to say no altogether this year. We do not know all the things that the future holds, but if holidays are meant to be "wonderful" we should do what is necessary to preserve the goodness inherent in the season, and in ourselves.

STEP 10

Make holiday decisions that support your well-being and your values
Be more reflective about all aspects of the holidays that we celebrate this time of year

Are all of our Traditions still meaningful?
There is an abundance of cheap consumer goods that tempt us with glitz and glitter...how much do we really need to spend on gifts and decor? Can we make our holidays more sustainable?
What are really thankful for and how can we best realize that gratitude in the world?