Countdown 61: Words Matter

 Did you grow up hearing this chant?--

Sticks and stones may break my bones,

But words will never hurt me!

Everyone of us who's ever been mercilessly teased or bullied or seen it done to others, knows that is as far from truth as it goes.  Words are powerful enough to raise us to the heights of ecstasy or reduce us to the depths of despair.  

Wherever many people come together and words are their common currency, the language used can make a difference between safety and danger, respect and disregard, success and failure. So it is that in schools, particularly, it is wise to have policies regarding derogatory speech.

Forest Lake, a city near me, besides being the hometown of controversial prospective Defense Secretary, Pete Hegseth, has also had viral exposure of a failed school board candidate's rant at a board meeting about her free speech rights being violated by limits on the use of the word "retard": after all, it is in the dictionary, and it applies to fire supression materials.  (Note to this mom: even on fire drill days, students do not discuss fire retardants over pizza or chicken tenders at lunchtime.) "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."

What got to me just as much was her comments about pronouns.  Ah, if only she were capable of either  self-reflection or humor, but alas.  In support of her religious freedom, she informed the board that her children have been told that "THEY are not to use pronouns.  THEY are not to identify THEMSELVES by pronouns." You see the problem here, right?  That tricky English language, just seems bent on destroying our freedom with its inherent structures.  Her kids may just decide that participating in classroom discussions is too fraught with grammatical pitfalls to open their mouths ever again. After all, even their mom couldn't get through a two-minute speech without using pronouns, and she was righteously angry.

I'm afraid I can get righteously angry and less than rational too, and although I can often feel justified in that anger, that's not always the case, and I have to remind myself that self-reflection is a frequently neglected virtue that I should practice if I want to do good in this world.

I've mentioned previously that I've been working on a major fundraising project, which includes crafting a lot of words for public perusal.  A few of them sparked a controversy (small, but not insignificant) about inclusion/exclusion at the event.  When the need for change was presented to our committee, I have to admit to a little irritation, a little frustration--do I really need to deal with this?  But, we engaged in the process--some explanations and background, some persuasion, some alteration and what emerged after multiple emails was something much better.  Because, of course, words matter.  In this case, because the community this fundraiser serves matters and respect for everyone is important. 

I'm reminded of the first of the Four Agreements from the book of the same name by Don Miguel Ruiz.

Be impeccable with your word.

That's it, only five words, but a statement full of influence and a call to take a closer look to what we say and what we write,what our intent and purpose is behind those words.  

It means to speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

STEP 13

Going forward, remember the power of your words and use them wisely.  Think before you speak, especially when you are angry or frustrated. You already do that you say?  Try doing it even better.  Your words matter!