Countdown 59: Birthdays

Today, November 22,  is my cousin Pam's birthday--she's the one with the bow in her hair, a couple of years older than me to her.

Look at those cute blondies with their lace collars and  fresh innocent faces, their whole lives ahead of them, with no clue that both of them would share future birthdays with tragic events in American history that had yet to unfold when their moms posed them together for this picture.

November 22, 1963 was a Friday, just like today, 6 days before Thanksgiving.  Students (and teachers, too) were looking forward to a short week ahead, then freetime and good food.  All those pleasant thoughts would fall by the wayside in the early afternoon when the nation all held their breath listening to Walter Cronkite announce that President Kennedy had been shot in Dallas, Texas and pronounced dead at 1:00 pm CST.  The country would basically shut down, Broadway and the casinos in Vegas as well.  Regular TV programming was replaced with news broadcasts and many businesses shuttered their doors.  The entire country was in mourning and the funeral the following Monday was watched by 41.5 million households; the largest viewing audience ever recorded at the time.

If you were alive in 1963 and over the age of 5 you probably remembered where you were.  I was in my  eighth grade social studies class, middle row, towards the back.  There's so much that could be said about this event and its impact on America.  Sixty-one years later there is still an unsettled air of conspiracy and unsolved mystery surrounding it, despite the finality of the Warren Commission's investigation and report.

For years my birthday only had pleasant historical connections; Joan of Arc was born on my birthday, which is also when Christians celebrate the Epiphany or the Feast of the Three Kings,  the day after the 12th day of Christmas.  Have you figured it out?  My birthday is January 6th.

On January 6, 2021, a Wednesday, my husband and I and our best friends, the Hansons (all of us retired) met at Lake Harriet in Minneapolis and enjoyed a walk around the lake.  I remember stopping by a gathering of Minions who were still out celebrating the New Year.  These cute little toys had been posed by a tree and I wanted a picture to send to my grandson, who was enchanted by the little yellow guys. After our walk we ordered a pizza and had a winter picnic in the back of our van.  A silly, frivolous and fun way to spend a birthday.  Then we turned on the radio.  All the frivolity was gone.  Again America was plunged into darkness.  But this time, the unified sense of mourning that had indelibly imprinted Pam's birthday was replaced with a rending of America's heart.  The heartbreak continues.  

We are connected to the events of our country, in so many ways, big and small, tragic and banal.  Our fates are intertwined. I hope we can heal our broken hearts.  

Countdown 60:

Yesterday I wrote about how our words matter. Tonight I’d like to share something I wrote for a church service several years, which also speaks about the power of words and all the passages that inspired me.

Today’s readings by Mary Oliver and Martin Luther King are both personal reflections on death. I was not yet aware of that on Friday when I was attending a funeral. The mother of a close college friend had died gently at age 95 and her family was at peace with her passing; it would be a celebration of a good life, well-lived. 

Before the funeral began I was talking with another college friend. She was telling me about a book she was reading about Margaret Fuller in preparation for a Road Scholar trip this spring with a focus on the Transcendentalists, including a visit to Walden Pond. She had really been enjoying their essays and poetry. 

With that nudge I asked her if she had ever read the poetry of Mary Oliver, who had passed away just the day before at age 83. Since she hadn’t, thanks to my trusty (but silenced)    i-Phone I shared some lines and quotes from her work, their beautiful strength resonating with my friend as well.

Just before we would get back on the road I checked my email to see if I had received today’s readings so I could practice during that ride and I felt a tingle of awe that the words I’d just been sharing with a friend would be shared again today with you. 

I light the chalice today for the wonder of words that connect us; in gratitude for the wisdom of those behind the words and in hope that our live’s purpose will be supported and strengthened by the messages we hear today.

FIRST READING 

from Mary Oliver

When death comes

like the hungry bear in autumn;

when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse

to buy me, and snaps the purse shut;

when death comes

like the measle-pox

when death comes

like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,

I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering:

what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?

And therefore I look upon everything

as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,

and I look upon time as no more than an idea,

and I consider eternity as another possibility,

and I think of each life as a flower, as common

as a field daisy, and as singular,

and each name a comfortable music in the mouth,

tending, as all music does, toward silence,

and each body a lion of courage, and something

precious to the earth.

When it's over, I want to say all my life

I was a bride married to amazement.

I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it's over, I don't want to wonder

if I have made of my life something particular, and real.

I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,

or full of argument.

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world

SECOND READING 

from Martin Luther King, from his final sermon 

If any of you are around when I have to meet my day, I don’t want a long funeral. And if you get somebody to deliver the eulogy, tell them not to talk too long. Tell them not to mention that I have a Nobel Peace Prize— that isn’t important. Tell them not to mention where I went to school.

I’d like somebody to mention that day that Martin Luther King, Jr., tried to give his life serving others.

I’d like for somebody to say that day that Martin Luther King, Jr., tried to love somebody.

I want you to say that day that I tried to be right on the war question.

I want you to be able to say that day that I did try to feed the hungry.

And I want you to be able to say that day that I did try in my life to clothe those who were naked.

I want you to say on that day that I did try in my life to visit those who were in prison.

I want you to say that I tried to love and serve humanity.

Yes, if you want to say that I was a drum major, say that I was a drum major for justice. Say that I was a drum major for peace. I was a drum major for righteousness. And all of the other shallow things will not matter. I won’t have any money to leave behind. I won’t have the fine and luxurious things of life to leave behind. But I just want to leave a committed life behind. And that’s all I want to say.q

Countdown 61: Words Matter

 Did you grow up hearing this chant?--

Sticks and stones may break my bones,

But words will never hurt me!

Everyone of us who's ever been mercilessly teased or bullied or seen it done to others, knows that is as far from truth as it goes.  Words are powerful enough to raise us to the heights of ecstasy or reduce us to the depths of despair.  

Wherever many people come together and words are their common currency, the language used can make a difference between safety and danger, respect and disregard, success and failure. So it is that in schools, particularly, it is wise to have policies regarding derogatory speech.

Forest Lake, a city near me, besides being the hometown of controversial prospective Defense Secretary, Pete Hegseth, has also had viral exposure of a failed school board candidate's rant at a board meeting about her free speech rights being violated by limits on the use of the word "retard": after all, it is in the dictionary, and it applies to fire supression materials.  (Note to this mom: even on fire drill days, students do not discuss fire retardants over pizza or chicken tenders at lunchtime.) "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."

What got to me just as much was her comments about pronouns.  Ah, if only she were capable of either  self-reflection or humor, but alas.  In support of her religious freedom, she informed the board that her children have been told that "THEY are not to use pronouns.  THEY are not to identify THEMSELVES by pronouns." You see the problem here, right?  That tricky English language, just seems bent on destroying our freedom with its inherent structures.  Her kids may just decide that participating in classroom discussions is too fraught with grammatical pitfalls to open their mouths ever again. After all, even their mom couldn't get through a two-minute speech without using pronouns, and she was righteously angry.

I'm afraid I can get righteously angry and less than rational too, and although I can often feel justified in that anger, that's not always the case, and I have to remind myself that self-reflection is a frequently neglected virtue that I should practice if I want to do good in this world.

I've mentioned previously that I've been working on a major fundraising project, which includes crafting a lot of words for public perusal.  A few of them sparked a controversy (small, but not insignificant) about inclusion/exclusion at the event.  When the need for change was presented to our committee, I have to admit to a little irritation, a little frustration--do I really need to deal with this?  But, we engaged in the process--some explanations and background, some persuasion, some alteration and what emerged after multiple emails was something much better.  Because, of course, words matter.  In this case, because the community this fundraiser serves matters and respect for everyone is important. 

I'm reminded of the first of the Four Agreements from the book of the same name by Don Miguel Ruiz.

Be impeccable with your word.

That's it, only five words, but a statement full of influence and a call to take a closer look to what we say and what we write,what our intent and purpose is behind those words.  

It means to speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

STEP 13

Going forward, remember the power of your words and use them wisely.  Think before you speak, especially when you are angry or frustrated. You already do that you say?  Try doing it even better.  Your words matter!

Countdown 62: Take a Trip to Planet Sark

 If you came to my house, you should be prepared for cat hair.  Along with the five humans, there are four cats that claim residence in our home, and even allow us to sleep on their beds, use their furniture and of course, attend to all their other needs. 

Among those needs is one of a particularly "discreet" nature.  This evening, after completing the task, I walked out the front door to deliver the package to the garbage, without turning on any lights.  There is an automatic light and I trusted that it would turn on...still, I thought to myself as I confidently strode through the darkness--"To boldly go..." (once a Trekkie, always a Trekkie)

I'd like to think that the light of future will still shine for us, although it may be dark now; that we can boldly go where America has not gone before, and survive the phaser fire, the Klingon attacks, the Romulan skirmishes and the encounters with other hostile alien lifeforms (you know who I'm talking about) and emerge as peace seekers and peace makers from a planet that is highly advanced and globally unified.  I won't live long enough to experience that planet, but I hope my descendants can.

Until then, I think I'll take a trip to Planet Sark, the home of the endlessly exuberant artist, Susan Kennedy, or as she has renamed herself: Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy--SARK for short.  

She's been writing, drawing and speaking for 40 years and hasn't lost her sparkle.  I discovered her years ago and was especially taken with one of her pieces, called "How to Be an Artist." I tried to check off everything on the list.  

Our ongoing mission is a challenging one and some days we'll need a little R &. R. The crew of the Enterprise went to Risa (what happens on Risa stays on Risa), but me, I think I'll go to Planet SARK!

STEP 12:

• Make little signs that say "Yes!" and post them all around your house
• Take moonbaths
• Have wild imaginings, transformative dreams and perfect calm
• Open up, dive in, be free
• Drive away fear
• Get wet
• Hug trees!

Countdown 63: News, News, What Are We Going To Do About News?

 John and Paul wrote the song, "A Day in the Life" as the final track in their 1967 Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band album.  Some consider it one of their masterpieces.

It's opening lines are: 

I read the news today, oh boy
About a lucky man who made the grade
And though the news was rather sad
Well, I just had to laugh
I saw the photograph

I read the news...OH BOY and now I never want to read it again!

I've been kind of a news junkie; feeding a need for good news, hope, possibility of a future to grow old in with peace.  I want to hear the truth, but I want the truth to be uplifting because that means we're heading in a good direction.  Now each day's news comes with a dark cloud over it's head, like Joe Btfsplk, the jinxed character from the old comic strip, Li'l Abner.

Another threat, another crazy appointment, another analysis of why the Democrats lost, another look at a bleak future.  I know I need to keep informed, but it's a time to examine both the quality and the quantity of news that I ingest.  I'm quite sure that I watched too much at times and I'm equally sure that I will need to keep informed in the future, when I'm ready for it.  

The vendetta that Trump waged against truth and the reporting of truth from the very start of his first term has had widespread repercussions. The concept of "fake news" took root.  That authoritarian desire to diminish the power of the press and undermine both the concept and the source of truth is working.  While journalism can be a noble trade, with any number of reporters having faced death or imprisonment in pursuit of important stories that need to be told; media ownership is a business.  We have seen how Jeff Bezos undermined the Washington Post's editorial staff to quash their endorsement of Vice President Harris.  We saw how media outlets of every political persuasion "sane-washed" Trump's craziness and held Kamala to a different standard, we saw political theater which kept the cable news broadcasting around the clock sensations.

Yes, Democrats need a clear-eyed examination of their losses and to find better strategies going forward.   But,  that is not where the blame belongs.  Kamala ran an exceptional campaign and she is a person of good character and substantial experience.  If character really mattered, there should have been a landslide victory for her.  That there was not, speaks less of the Democrats problems and more of the profound problems in American society in 2024.  

What I think is essential for us to deal with is the willingness of so many millions of the electorate to be misled about the candidates and the mass media, as a whole, to be so willing to mislead them.  

Ignorance and greed is steering the ship of state and we will quickly run aground. So many forces have been chipping away at the foundations of our system of government for years and all of the traditional guardians of democracy have been either lazy or complicit.  That includes Congress, the Supreme Court, the media, corporations and Wall Street and the educational system.

I read the news...oh boy.

STEP 11:

Think on this for awhile, find some sources that I can trust, share them with others: what to do about news is a work in progress.

Countdown 64: It's Still a Beautiful World

 I've had a busy day...way too much time on my computer, so I'm going to share some wisdom much greater than any I could muster up.  These words have always given me both roots and wings...

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

by Max Ehrmann ©1927

...and if that isn't enough for one night, here is a picture of a kitten reading a book

Countdown 65: It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

 Seasonal music on the radio, decorations and gift displays in the stores...it's the holidays!  And, if we believe the songs, "it's the most wonderful time of the year!"  In some ways, it certainly is; full of special memories and sweet anticipation, happy bustle, satisfying traditions and tasty treats.  

But we know that there has always been a dark side to the holidays, where many people struggle with financial and emotional issues and loneliness can be especially poignant.  

I remember the high expectations that my mother-in-law had for these events and how the stress of holidays would worsen her asthma and she would end up in the hospital.  One Thanksgiving stands out.  Her daughter was getting married in a small ceremony at the groom's mother's house the day after Thanksgiving.  Mom was hospitalized and would not be able to attend.  I found that out just in time to rush back to the school I worked at and borrowed our video equipment--at that time, a first generation reel-to-reel recorder.  We'd make sure she'd at least get to see a movie of the nuptials.  

It soon got even more interesting.  My side trip to school cut into the time I had to help finish the painting we were doing in the living room.  We were rolling the last wall when my husband's brother and his family of 5 arrived from Nebraska.  They'd be staying with us and sharing our Thanksgiving turkey the next day and attending the wedding the day after.  

Then we got the call.  There had been conflict between the groom and his mom.  No wedding at her house now.  My sister-in-law asked if they could have the wedding at our house; oh, and can you set two more plates for Thanksgiving?

The challenges that holidays hold are nothing new, but this year's celebrations could be especially fraught.  How can we handle time with relatives that we may have profound political differences with so close after the election?

I'd like to remind you of one really salient point that could shape your decisions about attending or inviting.  If your family/friend is satisfied with their vote, any argument you make against their choice has a 99.9 % chance of failure.  If political talk is inevitable; disaster or distress is extremely likely.  Minds will not be changed over turkey and stuffing, but relationships could be destroyed.

When caustic Fox personality, Jesse Watters, is uninvited from his Mom's Thanksgiving dinner, it should be acceptable for all of us to put our comfort, safety and peace of mind over societal expectations. 

Questions we can ask:

• Can I attend a holiday event and feel safe?
• Do I really want to be there?
• Will I have to compromise my values more than I am willing to do?
• Even if I really care about these people, can I spend all day with them comfortably?
• Can I emerge from the day with nothing more serious than a little indigestion from too much pie?

I'm going to say that it is okay to alter the guest list.  It's okay to set limits and expect people to respect them and to ask them to leave if they don't.  It's even okay to say no altogether  this year.  We do not know all the things that the future holds, but if holidays are meant to be "wonderful" we should do what is necessary to preserve the goodness inherent in the season, and in ourselves.  

STEP 10

• Make holiday decisions that support your well-being and your values
• Be more reflective about all aspects of the holidays that we celebrate this time of year
• Are all of our Traditions still meaningful?
• There is an abundance of cheap consumer goods that tempt us with glitz and glitter...how much do we really need to spend on gifts and decor? Can we make our holidays more sustainable?
• What are really thankful for and how can we best realize that gratitude in the world?
• Can you make your holidays richer and more fulfilling and less stressful and overwhelming?
• When things change, make the changes work for you.

Countdown-66 days: A walk in the park, holiday meal-planning and a game of Clue

 Today held some quiet pleasures (a walk, conversations with family and plans to get together, a stimulating game of Clue (Miss Scarlet in the hall with the candlestick) that I took time to enjoy; and some concerns about the upcoming holidays that I'll sleep on tonight and examine tomorrow.  

Here's the quiet reflections on Lochness